Athem of our dying day
by Breaking.Benajmin
Summary: Character death, suicide, a few foul words, and ah yes, just depressing stuff in general. This is a one-shot. Throw tomatoes if you must. mild spoiler for those who haven't read Twilight


**Anthem of our dying day**

mild spoiler to anyone who hasn't read "Twilight" below

I soul-ly blame this on the fact that I haven't had Zoloft in over a week. So work with me.

This is my morbid idea as to what might have happened had (in Twilight) Jesse not wound up back in our present, but had rather stayed and lived in 1850. And Suze remembers everything. Erm..yeah. On with the show. Throw tomatoes if you must.

Warning: Character death, suicide, a few swear words, and just depressing stuff in general. sigh

Disclaimer: All characters owned by Meg Cabot. Not me. Damn it.

Song: Anthem of our dying day by Story of the Year. Great band.

_The stars will cry the blackest tears tonight_

_and this is the moment that I live for_

_I can smell the ocean air_

1850. A time you lived to see and that I will never forget. But how can I? After all, I went there to stop you–stop you from living. Damn Paul and his antics. Damn me and my conscious. Damn you and your smile.

How could I watch you die..._let_ you die. I met you. Not just the ghost you, but the real you. The one with a heart beat. The one who needed air to live. The one who doesn't know who I am.

_Here I am pouring my heart onto these rooftops_

_Just a ghost to the world_

_that's exactly_

_Exactly what I need_

But now that your gone for good, I need you more than ever. I can't take being alone. I can't stand this world without you. Being left in this barren desolate has crazed me. I've done things I'm not proud of. Things I can never fix.

You see, you're not the only one whose gone now. Paul's gone too. Both of you gone because of me.

But only one on purpose.

Now I sit on the roof of my house, mulling over what I've done

_From up here the city lights burn_

_Like a thousand miles of fire_

_And I'm here to sing this anthem_

_Of our dying day_

I did it right after we returned, right before my shifting migraine could start in. I grabbed Paul by the throat and shifted him to the Shadowland. He was too shocked to fight back. With no mercy what-so-ever, I threw through the nearest door. Watching as his soul disappeared forever, I couldn't help but sigh in relief.

Relief that the bastard was finally gone. Relief that no one could prove I killed him. As I sit here, watching the sunset, I realize it's not what you would have wanted me to do. But that doesn't matter, because you never knew me. Thanks to Paul. Thanks to myself. Thanks to you.

_For a second I wish the tide_

_Would swallow every inch of this city_

_As you gasp for air tonight_

_I'd scream this song right in your face_

_If you were here_

_I swear I won't miss a beat_

_Cause I never, never have before_

I've already said goodbye to everyone, they just don't know it yet. I said goodbye to Ceecee and Adam on the phone, but when they said it they mean "See you at school, Monday, Suze." Just like with them, goodbye to my family meant "See you when we get back from the store." But neither of those were what I meant when I said it. Nor was it what I thought when I hugged my mother one last time. I love her and hate to hurt her...but he pain is too much to bare anymore.

My life is nothing without you.

_From up here the city lights burn_

_Like a thousand miles of fire_

_And I'm here to sing this anthem_

_Of our dying day_

_Of our dying day_

_Of our dying..._

So I sit here now and pray that you'll hear me as I say goodbye to you, my love–my love who never knew me. Maybe one day we'll meet again. But I doubt that now, thanks to all my selfish sins.

Hot, saline tears stain my cheeks as an ocean breeze blows by, freeing my face from my hair. The sun is almost gone, so I'd better do this soon, before my family returns.

"I love you, Jesse," I whisper to thin air.

_For a second I wish the tide_

_Would swallow every inch of this city_

_As you gasp for air tonight_

_From up here the city lights burn_

_Like a thousand miles of fire_

_And I'm here to sing this anthem_

_Of our dying day_

Closing my eyes, I envision the Shadowland once more, the one where I tried to save you once before. That was my fault. Everything's my fault anymore.

When I opened my eyes I was there. It seemed drearier since I'd brought Paul there, almost like he was still watching me.

But these thoughts cleared from my mind as I journeyed down the hall a few steps, before stopping in front of one of the doors. I gently grabbed the cold door handle, and picturing you beautiful face one last time, I opened the door and went onto a new life.

_From up here the city lights burn_

_Like a thousand miles of fire_

_And I'm here to sing this anthem_

_Of our dying day_

_From up here the city lights burn_

_Like a thousand miles of fire_

_And I'm here to sing this anthem_

_Of our dying day_

_Of our dying day_

_Of our dying..._

Okay. Throw tomatoes now. I'm all depressed now that I wrote that. And teary. sniffle

Sorry if I depressed anyone. I just had to get this off my chest. And sorry if it sucked. Anywho. I'm off now.

Laterz my muffins!

:Sam:


End file.
